I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
