so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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