Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
