Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
