well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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