Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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