puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
