so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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