I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
