hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
