Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
