it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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