my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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