I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
