omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
