So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
