Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
