are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
