Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
