found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
