If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
