you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
