No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
