I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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