If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bring me that man meat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
