remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
