My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
