I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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