she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your cock deserves a montage
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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