Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
