porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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