i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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