Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am mentally ready for anal.
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