why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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