First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
