How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize