dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
