Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
