awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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