I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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