Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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