woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
