we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
