i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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