what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
