How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
