you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
