The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
