You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
