was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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