Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
