THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize