Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
