Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
