I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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