Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
