My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
