We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
