i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
