Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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