She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
