it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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