I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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