she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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