I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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