Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
