my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
