dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
